Me And My Big Secret
by radiance x
Summary: Something is wrong with Liberty, and she's not saying a word. But is there someone out there who can help her? Updated June 1st.
1. This Isn't Real

Chapter One- This Isn't Real  
  
[A new story by me! Hehe. I haven't abandoned "Where I Belong". This is just a story I wrote because I was...well, bored. I will continue this fic, if you people like it. I decided to get creative, so I hope ya'll enjoy it. I know I never finish the fanfics I start, but...I'll try to keep updating this one]  
  
"I don't need to be here," Liberty Van Zandt muttered, taking a seat. "I am perfectly fine."  
  
Dr. Larson sighed. "Liberty, you're here because your mother says she's been noticing strang-"  
  
Liberty cut her off. "Strange behavior? Yes, I am aware of that. My mother exaggerates. I'm okay, really. There is no reason for me to be here."  
  
"What does your mother mean by 'strange behavior'?" Dr. Larson asked.  
  
"She is led to believe my academic grades are lower than average. I admit, I have been a little careless, but I am making up for it. I study for at least two hours everyday," Liberty explained.  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"I don't need a therapist interrogating me, alright? I am perfectly capable of figuring out what my problem is myself. And as of now, there is no problem," Liberty snapped.  
  
"Why have your grades been slipping?" the therapist asked.  
  
Liberty shrugged. "I've had other things to do."  
  
"Like what exactly?"  
  
Liberty shrugged again. "Just some extracurricular activities. Other stuff."  
  
"Do you think maybe you're working too hard?" Dr. Larson pressed.  
  
"No. I'm fine. I am a perfectly normal adolescent," Liberty said, trying to sound confident.  
  
The therapist sighed. "This is all the time we have for today. I will see you next week."  
  
Liberty stood up. "Sure." She walked out of the door, her face falling. She didn't want to be at a psychologist every week. She wished everything would just be okay again. She knew that if she spilled anything to Dr. Larson her whole life would crumble. Everyone would know. Her mom would know. Her reputation would officially be ruined. Liberty needed to just get through it. She knew she could. Liberty Van Zandt could handle anything. She was sure she could anyways. But this was eating her up inside.  
  
As she walked out of the building, she gulped and took in a breath.  
  
'Be casual', Liberty told herself. 'Be your old self.'  
  
She sat outside the building and waited for her mother to pull up in their minivan. She noticed the familiar car turning into the parking lot. Liberty got up and headed for the car.  
  
She closed the door as she slid into the van.  
  
Liberty's mother eyed her. "How was it?"  
  
"It was alright, I suppose," she said vaguely.  
  
Her mother pursed her lips. "Liberty, what is wrong with you? You always seem to distant, so far away from me and your family."  
  
"Mother, I've always been distant," Liberty mumbled.  
  
"You know what I mean," her mother said warningly.  
  
She shrugged. "Things are the same as always. I go to school, I try to get good grades, I have a bunch of extracurricular activities, I come home I do my work..." Liberty's voice trailed off. She was never that good at lying.  
  
Her mom looked angry. She took a deep breath and said, "Well, if you aren't going to tell me, that's all right. I'll wait for you to come around."  
  
Liberty wanted to make a comment about that, but she shut her mouth. Her mother wouldn't understand at all. Her mother was perfect. She had had the greatest childhood, and the best life now. Liberty doubted she would understand that the child she had raised to be smart had done something so stupid.  
  
When they got the house, she immediately climbed out and slammed the door. She waited for her mother to unlock the door, and when she got inside, she bolted for her room.  
  
Her room was unlike most peoples. She had posters and magazine cut outs of famous scientists taped on her wall, for one. Liberty found the work of a scientist fascinating. She had always wanted to grow up and be a scientist when she was younger. Now, it didn't matter to her at all. Nothing mattered.  
  
She was used to being alone. She found comfort being alone.  
  
'But I'm not alone now," Liberty thought, and tears sprung to her eyes. She was overcome with rage, sadness, and pain. She took off her glasses, and threw them to the ground. She grabbed the pillow off of her bed and threw it at her desk. Everything fell over and crashed down. Her lamp hit the floor with a thud, and papers began flying. Liberty cried harder and harder.  
  
"This isn't happening," Liberty whispered to herself. "Nothing has ever happened."  
  
She was lying as she said those words. She quickly tried to straighten herself up, but it was too later, her mother came bursting into her room.  
  
"What in the world is going on up here, Liberty?" she demanded.  
  
"I-I-I'm sorry, mom," Liberty stuttered.  
  
The horrified expression on her mother's face, made her want to tell her mother. She wanted to let her mom in on her life, but she just...couldn't.  
  
"I just...got upset. I'm sorry," Liberty explained, reaching for her glasses.  
  
Her mother wrapped her up in a hug. "Why won't you just tell me what's wrong? What's wrong?" she murmured.  
  
"I'm fine, mother. I am. I've just been stressed lately. That's all," she lied.  
  
"Maybe you should drop an after school activity or two, honey. I hate to see you like this," her mother said.  
  
"It's alright. I'll figure it out. Don't worry," Liberty said, trying to sound like her confident, old self.  
  
Her mom smiled. "Now, that's the Liberty I know and raised."  
  
She kissed her on the forehead, and headed out of her room. Liberty sighed. She loved her mother, and her mother loved her, but there was just so much that she could never know. It would destroy her. And admitting it would make it all the more real. That is why nobody could ever know that Liberty Van Zandt had been raped. 


	2. Not Me Anymore

Liberty woke up the next morning, just wanting to go back to sleep forever. She got up and took a hot shower, got dressed, and reluctantly grabbed her stuff and went to school. She wasn't in the mood to eat, so she told her parents she was leaving, and headed out the door.  
  
The walk to school was long and dark. The world looked dark and gray to her. But nobody could ever understand. Nobody could ever know.  
  
When she eventually got to school, she was greeted by one of her so- called friends, Emma Nelson.  
  
"Liberty! Hey, what's up?" She asked.  
  
She adjusted her glasses. "Um, nothing really. What about you?"  
  
"Trying to memorize terms for the English quiz," Emma said.  
  
"A quiz? What quiz?" Liberty demanded.  
  
"The one Kwan's giving today," Emma said, assuming she was prepared, or had already known the words.  
  
"Ugh," Liberty sighed. "I don't remember her informing us of any quiz."  
  
"Uh, yeah, she told us last week," Emma explained.  
  
Liberty smacked her forehead. Her parents would be furious if she failed this test. Then they would definitely send her away.  
  
"Come on, we have time before homeroom. We can cram, if you want," Emma suggested.  
  
Usually, Liberty would be appalled at Emma for suggesting such a thing, since she usually had everything implanted in her brain weeks before a test. But this was serious, so she accepted her offer.  
  
~*~  
  
They sat outside the school, memorizing terminology and defining each word, when Manny Santos and JT Yorke came up to see what they were doing.  
  
"LIBERTY forgot to study for a quiz? Mark this in your calendars folks! It's a momentous occasion," JT said.  
  
"JT, shut up," Manny snapped.  
  
Liberty had always liked JT, but right now, he was making her angry. She didn't say anything, though. She kept her mouth shut, and waited for Emma to give her another word to define.  
  
"What's the excuse Van Zandt?" JT asked. "Too caught up in a science experiment?"  
  
If he meant that to be a joke, Liberty didn't find it the least bit amusing.  
  
"You know what? You better shut up right now! You have no idea what goes on in my life, so stop trying to read me like a book! Quit making jokes about me, quit judging me! You have no right!" With that, Liberty threw the binder that was sitting in her lap, and ran inside Degrassi.  
  
She ran down the hallway, pushing people out of her way. She ran into the girls' washroom, and stood in front of the mirror. Silent tears fell from her eyes. She hated herself. She hated herself a lot. She hated what had happened to her.  
  
She thought about that night. The night that she had been raped. Raped. The word itself made her want to throw up. To her, it was probably the worst word in the dictionary. She remembered the way he had touched her, they way he had forced himself on her. She ran to the stall, and actually did throw up.  
  
Liberty thought maybe she could call home. But no, that would make her mother even more worried. She had always had a perfect attendance record. Her mother would know something was up, if she went home. So, she cleaned herself up and went to class.  
  
She walked into Mrs. Kwan's classroom, already knowing she was late. And for the first time ever, she didn't care.  
  
"Miss Van Zandt," Kwan said, "you're late. Do you have a pass?"  
  
She noticed a couple of heads turn towards her. They had all known Liberty as the "perfect student".  
  
"No ma'am," Liberty mumbled, and took her seat next to Manny.  
  
Mrs. Kwan gave her a look, but didn't say anything more.  
  
"Psst. Liberty," Manny whispered.  
  
She looked at Manny.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing I'm fine. Shh," Liberty told her. She saw Manny shrug, and rest her head on her hand.  
  
'I'll be fine,' she tried to convince herself. 'It will all go away.' But Liberty wasn't that dumb. She knew it would be a while until everything was normal again. She just had to keep everything to herself. She didn't want it to get out. She didn't want to be stared at or talked about.  
  
Liberty started to feel sick again during math. She had let her mind wander back to that night. She knew she was going to barf, she just felt it. She asked to be excused, and she ran to the washroom. She threw up, and sat in the stall and cried her eyes out. Why did this have to happen to her?  
  
She heard the door creak open, and pair of chunky heals clack as they hit the tiled floor.  
  
She tried to stop crying, but the sobs grew harder as she tried to contain them.  
  
"Is someone in here?" the voice asked.  
  
[Woo. Hehe. Hope you all like it. Pretty intense huh? Haha. Just review pwease! I'll give you a cookie! I know where I am going with this story, so if you like it, it will be updated soon. It's probably going to be fairly short, but I'll see what I can do.] 


	3. Full Of Suspicion

[A/N: Haven't updated in a while...oh well. I'm back now!! R&R please!]  
  
Liberty sat in the bathroom stall, not caring who the person was. She sniffled, and then heard a banging on the stall.  
  
She reached over and opened it. There stood [and you all guessed it] Paige Michalchuk. She was looking sleek and sophisticated in her denim skirt and stomach-revealing pink shirt. Her sunglasses rested at the top of her head, and her large bag was rested on one arm.  
  
Paige made a face. "Van Zandt, right?" she asked coolly.  
  
Liberty said nothing. She stood up and brushed past Paige.  
  
"Something wrong, hun?" she asked.  
  
"Paige is concerned, what a first," Liberty mumbled. She stared at herself in the mirror. She looked like a wreck.  
  
"I DO have more things to do than worry other people, but you look awful, so spill it," Paige said. "So what happened? Get a 'B' on a test? What?"  
  
Liberty laughed to herself. She wished. "It's none of your business!"  
  
She smirked. "Guess not," she replied. "But are you going to be okay?"  
  
"Peachy," Liberty said, as Paige began digging through her bag. She pulled out her lip-gloss and began applying. Once she was done, she twisted the top, and threw it back in her purse.  
  
"Well, if you say so," were her final words, then she flounced out of the washroom.  
  
Liberty eventually went back to class, and dreaded the rest of the day.  
  
~*~* Paige's Point Of View~*~  
  
"Earth to Paige!" Hazel Aden exclaimed.  
  
Paige snapped out of her daydream, and faced her friends.  
  
"Hmm?" she murmured.  
  
"Are you alright? You've been spazzing out all day," Hazel commented, as she, Paige, and Spinner Mason entered the cafeteria.  
  
Paige rolled her eyes. "It's nothing." But she was lying. It was something. Something that she thought about after she had left the washroom. After her talk with Liberty Van Zandt.  
  
The look in Liberty's eyes had been all too familiar. She could almost feel the word screaming at her. Rape, rape, RAPE. It almost made the hair on her arms crawl. Liberty looked exactly like Paige did after she had been raped. She had quickly dismissed that thought, though. No way, she said to herself. Liberty wouldn't get raped...but then a question popped into her head.  
  
Why couldn't it be Liberty? Paige had always known not to let a guy take advantage of her, but look what had happened. Liberty could have been through the same thing. What if-  
  
"Paige!" Hazel practically shouted.  
  
"Huh?" she said, jumping.  
  
"Get in line! And stop spacing out! You're scaring me!" Hazel instructed.  
  
"Sorry," Paige mumbled.  
  
She glanced around quickly and saw Van Zandt sitting at a table all alone, staring down at her food, looking lifeless.  
  
"Hey guys?" Paige said after a minute. Both Hazel and Spinner turned their attention towards her.  
  
"Yeah?" Spinner asked.  
  
"Have you guys been noticing Liberty? She seems kind of depressed."  
  
"Uh, Paige...are you feel alright?" Spinner asked. The name Liberty never EVER came up in a conversation between the three of them.  
  
"I'm fine, but Liberty isn't. Look at her."  
  
They both glanced quickly at her.  
  
"She looks exactly like what all other geeks look like," Spinner retorted.  
  
Paige glared. "So not what I meant."  
  
"I guess you're right, she does look kinda down. Why do you care?" Hazel asked.  
  
Paige's anger flared. "Hazel, you make it seem as if I never care about anyone other than myself!"  
  
"You don't." The soft voice came from behind her.  
  
Paige bit her lip and turned to the person, ready to bite their head off. She should have known it was Ellie Nash, the unsocial punk rocker. She had her hair twisted up in many different directions, and wearing her usual black and red attire.  
  
"Hon, was I talking to you? No, I wasn't. So could you please go interrupt other people's conversations elsewhere?" Paige said, faking a sweet look. She and Ellie had never gotten along. They never would.  
  
Ellie rolled her eyes, and walked to a table and sat down next to her Goth buddies and Ashley Kerwin.  
  
"Ignore her," Hazel said. "Anyways, what were you saying?"  
  
"I was SAYING that I'm so sick of you always thinking I'm a stuck up little bitch. I'm not like that," Paige told her.  
  
"Then what are you?" she asked, trying to appear innocent.  
  
Paige's face shone with rage.  
  
"I so need to get new friends," she mumbled, half seriously and half sarcastically.  
  
The rest of the day, she tried to push back all thoughts of Liberty Van Zandt. But it was very hard. She knew something was wrong, and although it was surprising, she cared.  
  
[HAHA go me! I got chap. 3 up. It's not very dramatic, but heh heh have no fear for I live for writing drama. Send me some reviews and I'll have the next chapter up soon!] 


	4. Living In Terror

Author's Note: Wow...I haven't updated in a while. Sorry to all the peeps who are enjoying this fic! I'll try to update more often. Keep reviewing please. You guys have given me awesome reviews! Thanks!  
  
~*+~*  
  
"Get off of me!" she had demanded.  
  
"Oh, relax," he said, his voice a whisper.  
  
She had squirmed and tried to shake him off, but his grip was too tight. He was in control.  
  
"Let me go!" she growled.  
  
"Shut up!" he barked, and threw her down on the floor.  
  
~*+~*  
  
Liberty didn't dare tell her psychiatrist this. Although this is what she wanted to hear. She wanted Liberty to pour her heart out to her. Not a chance.  
  
Dr. Larson cut their session short for today, and Liberty was thankful. Now, all she had to do was survive another interrogation from her mother.  
  
Luckily, her mother said nothing. She drove home in silence, and for that, Liberty was extremely thankful. When she reached her house, she slammed the car door, and following usual routine, headed up to her room. There was still a mess left from her random outburst. She hadn't had the energy to pick it up. She threw herself onto her bed. Liberty told herself not to cry, that she was stronger than that.  
  
Why am I so stupid? She thought. Why me?  
  
Liberty was silent at dinner that night. Her parents exchange glances, but she pretended not to notice.  
  
"So, honey, have you completed all of your homework?" Mrs. Van Zandt asked her daughter.  
  
She stared at her plate. "Yes," she lied. Liberty never lied.  
  
Her mother smiled and nodded. "Good."  
  
"Yeah, good," she whispered into her food. It was lasagna, her favorite. But she didn't care. She could be eating dirt and she really wouldn't care at all.  
  
After about ten minutes, she announced that she was full.  
  
"You haven't even touched your plate!" Mr. Van Zandt exclaimed. Liberty's mother gave him a look.  
  
"It's okay, honey. Take your plate into the kitchen, and then go upstairs and take a shower," her mother told her.  
  
Liberty did as she was told. She quietly walked upstairs, and grabbed fresh pajamas, and headed into the bathroom. Suddenly, she felt scared; although she knew her parents were down in the dining room. It was getting dark, Liberty was alone in a small room, and she was about to get a shower. What if he came in? She wondered frantically. She backed up against the wall, and dropped to the ground. Tears poured down her face. I have to live with this for the rest of my life, she thought to herself. I need to get a grip. I can't do this! Random thoughts raced through her mind. She thought she was going insane. Liberty never thought in all her life that she would be afraid to take a shower. So, she did the next thing that came to mind. She walked into her room, grabbed her bathing suit, quickly changed, and from there took her shower.  
  
She felt dirty. -His- hands had been all over her, touching her, kissing her. She squirmed, thinking about it. She knew the shower wouldn't help; it hadn't helped the previous times she had tried. She wondered how long this memory was going to be with her. She hoped it would go away, she prayed with all of her heart it would go away. Soon.  
  
After a very short shower, she hopped out, and dressed as fast as she could, not caring that her entire body was covered in water. Wet spots enveloped her shirt, as did her baggy, flannel bottoms. Water trickled off of her hair, sliding down her back. She immediately grabbed the blow dryer and began trying her shirt, pants, and hair. About two seconds later, she heard footsteps outside the door. She turned the blow dryer off, and froze. No more footsteps. Fear took over every inch of herself.  
  
"Honey, you out yet?" called her mother.  
  
Liberty let out a breath of relief.  
  
"Yes, mother!" she told her. Footsteps walked away, and she went back to blow-drying.  
  
~*~  
  
She lied in bed that night, not wanting to turn out the light. Then, she remembered she hadn't done her homework. She sighed. This meant her teacher's would question her and her so-called friends would question her. She hoped her parents wouldn't find out.  
  
All of the stress made Liberty tired, but sleeping was out of the question. It would lead her into a world of nightmares, scaring her more than she already was.  
  
~*~  
  
She was in front of the Media Immersion classroom, and she was laughing. She was surrounded by Emma, Toby, and JT, and she was laughing. She wasn't sure what it is she was laughing about, but she didn't care. She was happy. Suddenly, her friends faded, and the hallways got darker. There he stood. He was grinning evilly, staring at Liberty. He took a step toward her, and she took one step back, which led her into the MI class. He followed her in there. She kept backing up slowly, terrified. He was only about three inches away from her. She had backed up against the wall. She was about to run, when his hands grabbed her. She cried out for help. No one was there.  
  
~*~  
  
Liberty woke up, breathing hard. It was about the five thousandth dream she'd had since that night. She glanced at her clock. 5:23 AM. She only had a half an hour until she had to get up anyways.  
  
She turned on her light, and decided she should work on her homework. Hopefully a half an hour would be as long as it would take.  
  
Well, she had thought doing her homework would help kill time, but she was wrong. Her mind traveled elsewhere, so she shut her books, and got ready for another day at school. She didn't realize she was the only person in the house awake. This made her a little wary. She looked threw her drawers and closet, finding something to wear. Nothing matched her mood. Everything she owned was stupid and happy looking. So she pulled out a pair of jeans and a gray shirt. She wore her mother's black, oversized sweatshirt.  
  
She was disappointed with the person that stared back at her in the mirror, but at the moment, she didn't care. Liberty grabbed her backpack, skipped breakfast, and headed out the door.  
  
It was scary walking outside, alone. Usually, Liberty enjoyed the peace and quiet. Now, she wished she weren't alone. Her paranoia started to take over, and that's why she screamed when she heard somebody call her name.  
  
[Ooooh. Cliffhanger! Haha. Review please!!!!!!! I will be oh so happy! I'm done with my writers' block, so I should be updating sooner! ^__^ Happy, aren't you?? RIGHT?? Hehe. I'm hyper, ignore me. Oh well, review and I shall update! ~Krys~] 


	5. Blowups and Assignments

A/N: Ahh, I love you all who've given me reviews! I've decided I'm going to go back and edit one chapter...I'll let you know when I do. Oh, by the way...I haven't really established what grade they're in, in this fic. So let's just go with the way the show is now. Liberty's in grade nine.  
  
Liberty quickly turned around, but ready to run at any moment.  
  
"Wow, didn't know you were so happy to see me," a voice remarked.  
  
She breathed a sigh of relief. "No, it's just that...I thought you were...never mind," she said to JT.  
  
"You've been a little spacey lately," he commented. "Who knew that Liberty Van Zandt would just forget to do her homework or study for a test? A little strange if you ask me."  
  
"Well, I didn't ask. Why are you even here? Talking to me? Shouldn't you be with your cool friends?" Liberty snapped, not in the mood for an interrogation.  
  
"I'm not allowed to just say hi?" he asked. "I was...worried about you. Especially when you freaked out on me the other day."  
  
"Sorry," she mumbled, not really meaning it. "I've just been preoccupied."  
  
"Wanna talk about it?" he pressed.  
  
"Since when do you care? I'm just a boring geek, remember JT? Just leave me alone!" she snapped, and stomped off.  
  
She speed-walked all of the way to school. She didn't need people feeling sorry for her, especially since they've never cared before.  
  
~*~  
  
Liberty made her way through the large pile of students in the hallway. She was headed for the lunchroom, when a slender figure rammed right into her.  
  
"Sorry, hon," Paige smirked, and then she noticed who she has bumped into. Her smirk quickly faded.  
  
"It's fine," she mumbled, and began to walk away, but Paige gently grabbed her arm. Liberty jumped slightly.  
  
"Are you doing okay?" Paige asked her, concern filling her eyes.  
  
"Uh, yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be okay?" Liberty replied.  
  
"Right, well, you better get going," she told her. "But if you need to...you know, talk, let me know."  
  
"Uhhh, all right," she mumbled, and walked off. On her way to lunch she thought worriedly thought that maybe Paige knew something. Maybe someone had said something to her. Not another rumor, Liberty thought. Oh, I hope it's not.  
  
She quickly bought her lunch and then met her friends outside. She thought it would be nice, being in the comfort of her friends, but as soon as she sat down, she began to feel the oh-so-familiar distant feeling in the pit of her stomach. Liberty closed her eyes and took a deep breath. You will be okay, she told herself. It will all go away. She knew she was lying to herself. It had been at least a couple weeks since the unfortunate night, and it wasn't getting any better. It wasn't going away.  
  
"Hey, Liberty," Kendra Mason, her friend in grade eight, greeted.  
  
"Hey," she said faintly. She didn't want to be here anymore. She didn't want to be anywhere. She wanted to be dead.  
  
"You okay?" Kendra asked.  
  
She nodded. "I'm great," she lied. Liberty took a seat and then ate her lunch in silence.  
  
~*~  
  
"Paige, can I borrow your strawberry scented hand lotion?" Hazel asked.  
  
"Sure," she replied, and dug it out of her purse. She handed it to her friend. "So..."  
  
"So, what?" Hazel asked, as she took a bite of her food.  
  
"I talked to Liberty today."  
  
She gave Paige a look. "Um, that's great?"  
  
Paige rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand, Haze," she mumbled under her breath.  
  
"What was that?" Hazel demanded angrily.  
  
"I SAID someone like you wouldn't understand what it's like to have a real problem," Paige growled, although she knew her so-called friend had heard her clearly.  
  
"I don't need to take this abuse," Hazel spat, and stood up.  
  
"Like you'd know anything about abuse," Paige barked back, and then instantly regretted the words that had come out of her mouth.  
  
Her eyes burned with rage, but she took a deep breath and sat back down. "Paige, don't even go there. You know what happened to me before I came here. I was terrorized. You know that. I can't believe you would even make a comment like that!"  
  
"I-I know, Haze, I'm sorry. But if it really affected you and if you were really my friend, you would hear me out. Liberty has a problem. I know it and I'm sure you and Spinner know it as well. But you don't want to bother. Well, guess what? I'm sick of having everyone judge me and think, 'Oh, that Paige Michalchuk, she's pretty and popular and a stuck up, heartless bitch!' I'm NOT, Hazel!"  
  
Paige looked like she was near tears, so Hazel tried to comfort her. "Paige, nobody thinks that! You're thinking too much. Calm down. There's not much we can do to help Liberty, anyways."  
  
She shook her head. "I should have never said anything. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Who knows, maybe I'm wrong."  
  
"It's okay, we'll think of something," Hazel said, and Paige smiled. ~*~  
  
"Miss Van Zandt, I'd like a word with you after class," Mrs. Kwan said.  
  
It was the second homework assignment Liberty had not turned in, and it was making Kwan furious. She didn't understand why a perfect, good little student like Liberty would forget to do her homework.  
  
She hasn't the slightest idea, Liberty thought.  
  
"Okay, class, quiet down, right now! I want to get started explaining to you your mini-project," Mrs. Kwan said. (Note: I know, I know, lots of fics use projects as a way to help the story, but hopefully this will be different)  
  
The entire class groaned, including Liberty. One more thing that she would probably fail to complete.  
  
"All of you hush! You are going to be partnered up. You will then gather as much information about that person and turn it into a biography of that person's life. Remember, I'm trusting you to be honest. And you also don't have to give away any information you do not want to. Keep it simple, but I will reward you with extra credit if you go that extra mile," Kwan explained.  
  
Liberty sighed. This project was going to kill her.  
  
"Alright, now, for your partners. I want...Toby and Chris, Emma and JT, Liberty and Manny..."  
  
Manny Santos? Liberty decided that it wasn't so bad to be working with her. Despite her new image, Manny really was still the same sweet girl she had been the previous years Liberty had known her, even if there was still the possibility she liked JT.  
  
"Okay, class, you have twenty minutes before the bell, so meet up with your partner and start discussing!"  
  
She saw Manny get up and scoot her chair over to Liberty's desk.  
  
"Okay, Liberty, how do you want to do this?" Manny asked her.  
  
She shrugged. "Doesn't matter." She noticed Manny eyeing her weirdly, but she ignored it.  
  
"Anyways," Manny said, "I've got an idea. Tonight you come up with things you want to know about me and I'll do the same. We'll meet at the Dot tomorrow after school and compare. Sound good?"  
  
"Great," Liberty mumbled, lying through her teeth. 


	6. Strange Meetings

[A/N: thanks for the reviews. By the way, "U Got the Look" happened but the JT/Manny thing did NOT. Same in "Never Gonna Give You Up".]  
  
Liberty saw Manny walk into the Dot the next day after school. She was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a stomach-revealing, off-the- shoulders, pink top. Liberty, on the other hand, was wearing a pair of jeans and a black sweatshirt.  
  
"Hey," she greeted, taking a seat and placing her bag on the floor.  
  
"Hey. Let's get started," Liberty replied, reaching for her backpack. She unzipped it, and papers began flooding out.  
  
"Wow, what happened?" Manny asked, surprised. "You're usually so organized."  
  
"Uh, I guess I got a little side-tracked," she told her, rustling through the papers. Finally, she grabbed a few pieces of paper.  
  
Manny got out her notebook and they began exchanging questions. They asked asinine questions in the beginning. Such as, "what's your favorite color?". The speed began to pick up and the questions got deeper.  
  
"Best day of your life?" Manny asked.  
  
She remembered exactly. Last year's Hawaiian Luau Dance. She had scammed JT into taking her, and to her astonishment, he had agreed. But she was definitely not going to tell Manny Santos this.  
  
"I don't want to say..." Liberty said.  
  
"I won't say anything. Let's make a deal right now. Whatever we say stays between us...and Mrs. Kwan," Manny told her, giggling at the how weird that had sounded.  
  
Liberty cracked a smile. "Okay. Deal."  
  
She wasn't sure what made her trust Manny, but she did. So, she told her about it.  
  
"Hey, I remember that!" Manny exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah looking back on it, I believe it was pretty stupid," she shared.  
  
"You went for the guy you liked. Pretty brave, if you ask me," Manny replied.  
  
Liberty just shrugged. "You could say that, I guess."  
  
Manny went back to writing in her notebook. Seconds later, she poked her head up and said, "Okay, your turn. Ask away."  
  
"Alright. Why did you change your look? It's obviously caused a lot of controversy around school."  
  
"Well, you know Em and I were best friends since forever, right? I guess I just...felt like the shadow girl. Then, I joined the Spirit Squad thinking, here's my chance to shine AND do something I enjoy. Well, I had fun, but I wanted to be noticed. You know how badly things ended with...Craig last year. So, over the summer, I began to develop in more way than one. After Paige made the comment about how I should change my look after being called 'cute', I went over the top from there. I know lots of people think it's wrong and degrading or whatever, but I'm satisfied with myself...I guess."  
  
"Wow," Liberty said, as she wrote some of this down. "I never knew you felt this way."  
  
"Not many people do. Or care for that matter. So, anyways. My question, right? Um...what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?"  
  
She froze. Memories, flashbacks, ran through her head. What right did she have to ask a question like that?  
  
"You know what? I think I've had enough for today. I'm leaving," Liberty snapped, grabbing her stuff and marching out of the Dot, leaving Manny completely confused.  
  
~*~  
  
She ran all of the way home. She wasn't going to stop or slow down either. The closer she got to home, the sooner she can run to her room and hide under her covers.  
  
Well, she wouldn't have stopped if it weren't for the person she had practically run over.  
  
"Watching where you're going!" he barked, trying to regain balance.  
  
"JT...sorry, I didn't notice you," Liberty apologized.  
  
"That's a first," he joked, his ego inflating.  
  
"Shut up," she said in a serious tone. "I'm really not in the mood."  
  
"Alright, alright, sorry. Anyways, I'm surprised you're even talking to me," he said, referring to yesterday's little outburst.  
  
She shrugged. "Would it matter either way?"  
  
"What's your problem?" he asked her.  
  
"Excuse me?" she replied.  
  
"You're always saying things like that. 'Would it matter either way' or 'since when do YOU care about ME?'.  
  
"Is it not the truth?" Liberty questioned. "You and I are two completely different people. Do you want to know why? First of all, ever since I met you, your number one goal in life was popularity. You wanted to be known by everyone. You-"  
  
"Is that so wrong?" JT interrupted.  
  
"To some, yes. To others, maybe not. But, you see, JT, I am not like that. You know what my number one goal in like was? To be the best at whatever I wanted to do. To be successful in places other than the social department. Do you really think it phases me if I don't have friends? Sure, it would be nice, but friends cause nothing but pain," Liberty explained.  
  
"How could you say that? Everybody needs a friend, Liberty. You can honestly say you don't care about having a friend?" JT asked.  
  
She nodded. "Yes."  
  
"I think what you need is a friend right now. Because, obviously, something very strange is going on with you, and I think you need help," JT said, his voice rising.  
  
Liberty laughed, although there was really nothing funny about the situation/ "I have a therapist, thank you very much."  
  
"I don't mean professional help," he told her.  
  
"Look, JT, you can act like you care now, but when you start realizing I'm headed back to my old self, you'll go back to ignoring me, dissing me, and laughing at me with your popular friends!" she shouted, and began walking off.  
  
He followed her. "I don't do that!"  
  
"JT, I know how people perceive me. I'm not blind OR deaf. I know what they say about me. But what do you want me to do? Bite their heads off every time I hear someone snicker at me or say something profane under their breaths? That doesn't help anything," Liberty told him.  
  
Hearing her say all of these words made him feel extremely guilty for all of the things he had ever said or done to her.  
  
"Liberty, I'm sorry-"  
  
She cut him off. "I don't want your apologies, JT," she said clearly.  
  
He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. He was going to do something he had never though about doing for her. Ever.  
  
"Then how about my friendship?" he asked her, opening one eye to catch the expression on her face. He somewhat expected her to put her hand to her heart and faint, but she didn't. She just stared at him.  
  
"You want to be my friend?" she asked. "You've got to be kidding me."  
  
"I'm serious."  
  
She placed her hand on her hip and took a deep breath.  
  
"Fine. I'll accept your...friendship," she said after a few seconds. 


	7. Hard to Hold it Together

[A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews. You don't realize how much they mean to me. I'm sorry for the delay on this story. Besides not being able to gather all of my thoughts, school isn't helping much. So here we go, chapter seven.]  
  
+~+~  
  
"Stop, stop it, please!" she begged, trying to push him away from her.  
  
"You deserve this, you bitch. You want this," he snapped, grabbing her arms.  
  
"No! No! Stop!" she cried, trying to scream, but she was too hysterical to scream. This was unreal.  
  
"Shut up!" he shouted at her. "You stupid, worthless slut!"  
  
His fingers were digging into her skin, and she yelped. This made him grip his hands tighter around her arm.  
  
"Stop it," she said faintly. She was too weak for him. She just wanted someone to help her.  
  
+~+~  
  
"Hey, sweetheart, what's up?" Paige said to JT in the hallway the next morning.  
  
"Have you seen Liberty?" he asked without saying hello.  
  
Paige gave him an odd look. "No, why?"  
  
He shrugged. "I, uh, just needed to ask her about some homework. That's all."  
  
"She's been acting kind of strange lately, huh?" Paige said, trying not to appear to care as much as she really did.  
  
"Yeah," he mumbled. "But you hardly know her. Why would you say something's up?"  
  
"Come on, hon, it's Miss Van Zandt. She participates in, like, a thousand group activities. We all know her. I was just curious. Thought maybe you would know."  
  
He shrugged again. "I asked before, but she won't say a word."  
  
The bell rang, and Paige gave him a pat on the shoulder. "See you later," she said, and began to walk off to her class.  
  
JT decided he should get to class as well. He entered his homeroom and science class and took his seat. And there was Liberty in the seat next to his, writing in a spiral notebook.  
  
"Chemical equations?" JT asked, hoping for a yes.  
  
She shook her head. "Not quite," she answered, and shut the notebook.  
  
JT sighed.  
  
Once homeroom ended, Mrs. Hatzilakos stood up and told the class to finish up their labs from yesterday. JT noticed as Liberty paid no attention to a word Hatzilakos was saying. Looks like he would be in charge of the lab for today.  
  
After ten minutes of silence, JT finally broke it. "Okay, Liberty, I'm really getting sick of you moping around like your life is over. So could you please, for today go back to being the Liberty we all know?"  
  
Liberty's eyes suddenly got a lot colder and lot angrier. She stared at him for a few seconds. "You have no business saying that to me. You have no idea what goes on in my life, JT. Stop assuming that you know everything. It's really starting to get on my nerves."  
  
"You know what's getting on my nerves? You're stupid 'let's sulk because the world is against me' pessimistic attitude. Get over yourself, Van Zandt," JT snapped.  
  
Again, Liberty stared at him for a moment, before running out of the classroom.  
  
------  
  
She ran as fast as she could away from that class. She knew it was against the Code of Conduct to exit a class without permission, and that she could suffer serious consequences, but she didn't care. Not anymore. Liberty ran to the first place she could think of, the washroom. Once she entered, tears began flowing out of her dark eyes.  
  
Why was this happening to her? Why? All she wanted was to be her normal self, even if normal to her wasn't normal to others, she didn't care.  
  
She leaned her head against the washroom wall and cried. What felt like minutes later, someone entered the washroom.  
  
"Liberty."  
  
It was Mrs. Hatzilakos.  
  
"Leave me alone," she muttered, not intending for the teacher to hear her.  
  
"Excuse me?" Mrs. Hatzilakos snapped. Too late. "Liberty, I want you back in my classroom, immediately. This is not expected of you, Miss Van Zandt. What you did is considered skipping class."  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
Liberty cleared her throat. "I said I don't care!" she shouted. "Will you all just leave me alone?"  
  
She collapsed to the floor and began pounding her fists on the cold, hard ground. She was having a mental breakdown right here in front of her own teacher.  
  
"Liberty!" Mrs. Hatzilakos gasped. "Get off the floor, right now!" It was obvious that she had no idea what to do.  
  
Liberty didn't budge. Wouldn't her therapist love to hear about this? Mrs. Hatzilakos ran to get the principal, Mr. Raditch, to remove her from the ground. After minutes of persuasion, Liberty was taken to Raditch's office, where she was given detention after school for the next week. After she was given her punishment, her parents were called at once. She spent two periods sitting in Ms. Suave's class after everything else was sorted out.  
  
Liberty was silent the entire time, except for telling the guidance counselor that she already had a therapist.  
  
"Well, you're therapist isn't here right now, and I really think what you need to do is talk about your problems," she had told her.  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"You don't seem to care about much, anymore, do you?" Ms. Suave asked.  
  
She shook her head. "You're right about that."  
  
Finally, she was released to go to her fourth period class, which was English. Entering the class, she kept her head down and made her way to her seat. She noticed as some of the kids gave her odd glances. Obviously, rumors had gotten out. Liberty tried to shrug it all away, but it was so hard.  
  
In English, Mrs. Kwan let the students meet up with their partners for the project for a few minutes. Manny scurried over to Liberty.  
  
"What happened?" Manny exclaimed. "JT said that—"  
  
"It doesn't matter what JT said. I'm fine," she snapped.  
  
"Oh, okay," she said weakly. "You know, it's just that it's hard seeing you spiral down like this. You used to be so togeth-"  
  
"Used to be," Liberty said, cutting her off. "That's all in the past now."  
  
A message then came over the intercom.  
  
"Mrs. Kwan, can you send Liberty Van Zandt to the office for dismissal?" the squeaky voice asked.  
  
"Of course."  
  
Liberty gathered her stuff, and trudged out of the class. 


	8. Lies, Lies, Lies

[Thanks so much for all of the reviews. It's taking me forever to write this story, but here's chapter eight.]  
  
Liberty was escorted out of the school by her parents and immediately driven home. When she got into the house, she headed for her room.  
  
"Liberty Faith Van Zandt, I want you to come down those stairs right now. You're father and I want to have a word with you," her mother called.  
  
She thought about shouting back a 'go to hell', but then realized how cruel those words would have been if she had said them. So, she whirled around, and stomped down the stairs. Her parents were sitting in the living room on the sofa. Her mother was crying.  
  
"Liberty, what is going on? Can you please, please tell us what's wrong with you?" Mrs. Van Zandt sobbed.  
  
She wanted to tell them. She wanted more than anything to tell them, but the words just wouldn't come out.  
  
They'd take HIS side. They'd definitely take his side, she thought, tears welling up in her own eyes. She didn't want to be the disgrace of her family.  
  
"Mom," she said faintly, "nothing's wrong. I've just been...under a great deal of stress lately. That's all."  
  
"So you had a breakdown in the school washroom?!" Mr. Van Zandt exclaimed. "There's got to be more to it than that, Liberty."  
  
"You're fading away from us, Lib. It's..." her mother's voice trailed off.  
  
They were trying to make her feel guilty, Liberty thought. So, she tried. She really tried to get the words together so she could tell her parents, but they just wouldn't come out. She didn't want to hurt them. It was the very last thing she wanted.  
  
"I'm so sorry, mom, dad. I've been trying to prepare for a huge exam that's coming up...and I'm really not sure that I know all of the material...so I'm trying to juggle everything," Liberty lied.  
  
"Well, I think you should consider dropping some after school activities," her mother suggested.  
  
_ Way ahead of you, mom,_ she thought. It had been a couple weeks since she had last attended any extra curricular activity.  
  
But Liberty just nodded.  
  
"Okay, honey, I just want you to know that we love you and we're trying so hard to help you. Remember, you can talk to us about anything at all, okay?" her mother continued.  
  
Liberty nodded again. "Thanks, mom."  
  
"Wait, Liberty," her dad began. He was obviously not satisfied with this conversation.  
  
Just as he prepared to give a huge speech, the phone rang. Grateful, she ran to the kitchen and picked up the line in there.  
  
"Liberty, hey, this is Manny," a voice greeted.  
  
"Oh. Hey, Manny..." Liberty said warily. Why was she calling the house? She glanced at the clock. Twelve-twenty-seven.  
  
"I was just, um, calling to, you know, check up on you. After what happened today and at the Dot, I was just...concerned," Manny stammered uncomfortably, but you could here the sincerity in her voice.  
  
"Wow, thanks, Manny. But why are you calling at this time? Shouldn't you be in school?" she asked politely.  
  
"I am. I'm on my cell. Lunch break and everything. I just thought I should call and see how you were doing."  
  
That was very nice of Manny. It kind of scared Liberty.  
  
"Well, thanks."  
  
"No problem, I was worried. So is everyone else, you know. Are you going to be back Monday?" Manny asked.  
  
"As far as I know."  
  
"LIBERTY!" her father called from the living room.  
  
"Listen, I've got to go. I'll see you later, bye," Liberty said and hung up the phone.  
  
She was forced to listen to her dad rant and rave about her inappropriate behavior and how she was affecting the entire family. He even started yelling and her mother had to calm him down.  
  
"Listen to me young lady, I've had enough of your attitude and all of this change. If you have a problem, you need to talk. You're making our family crazy!" he snapped.  
  
Liberty ran straight for her bedroom. More tears fell from her eyes. She felt so, so weak.  
  
She cried herself into a deep sleep. When she awoke it was around three. She heard a soft tapping on her door.  
  
"What?" she snapped, burying her head in her pillow.  
  
The door opened.  
  
"Liberty, someone's here to see you," her mother said.  
  
"Tell them to get lost," Liberty demanded.  
  
"Hon, that is so not a polite way to treat a guest," a voice said, taking a few steps into her room.  
  
She immediately sat up.  
  
"Paige, what are you doing in my house?" she questioned.  
  
Paige bit her lip. "I guess it does seem pretty strange that I just randomly showed up, but I really wanted to know if we could talk."  
  
By this time Liberty's mother had already left the room.  
  
"Uh, I really don't think that's a good idea, Paige," Liberty said.  
  
"Well, I do. Look, something's seriously been up your butt the past week, and I'm just really worried."  
  
Worried? Paige? Liberty almost burst out laughing. This was definitely a first.  
  
"Paige, you've never cared before. What do you **want**?" she asked.  
  
"Okay...fine," she said, sighing. "Let me explain." She closed Liberty's bedroom door.  
  
"I'm waiting."  
  
"Alright, this is going to sound completely stalker-ish and so random, but bear with me. Okay, you remember when I saw you in the washroom that one day?" she asked.  
  
Liberty nodded.  
  
"Well, something looked really wrong with you. And you kind of reminded me of last year when I was..."  
  
"You were what?"  
  
"Never mind. You know, I think it was pretty stupid coming here. I shouldn't have bothered you."  
  
"No," she said, standing up. "Tell me."  
  
Suddenly she was intrigued. Something in Paige's eyes told her that something was very, very wrong. Liberty wanted to know what she had to say.  
  
Paige took in a deep breath. "Last year...I was date-raped. And—oh my god, I sound so stupid—but okay, just the way you were acting reminded of that. Liberty, you would, you know, say something if you were, though, right?" she stammered, hoping for some reassurance.  
  
Liberty swallowed hard. She was not expecting this at all. She was speechless. What do you say to that? She couldn't tell Paige the truth, could she?  
  
But on second thought, the same thing had happened to Paige...or did it? So many thoughts were running through Liberty's head, she didn't know what to say. She couldn't admit it...it would cause too much drama.  
  
So she lied.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, of course I would say something. Trust me, Paige, you have nothing to be worried about," she told her.  
  
She let out a sigh of relief, and smiled.  
  
"I'm alright, though. Really, I am. Now, if you'd excuse me, I'd like to go back to...researching for my science paper," she lied, trying to appear like her old self.  
  
Paige nodded. "Of course," she said, and exited the room.  
  
Liberty threw herself back onto her bed. Is this was everyone else thinks? Too many emotions were running through her. All she wanted to do was sleep forever. 


	9. Slap in the Face

**AH! It's taken me forever to update this story. But here I am now. Thank you all who have reviewed! Your thoughts mean so much to me. **

_**Chapter 9-**_ Slap in the Face  
  
Monday morning finally came. Liberty was in no rush to get to school, but she didn't want to be cooped up at home either.  
  
She had gotten ready fairly quickly. She threw on a long-sleeved, black shirt and a pair of jeans. She threw her hair up in a fluffy ponytail, grabbed her stuff, and made her way out the door.  
  
She practically ran to school, glancing back on one occasion when she _swore_ she heard someone creeping behind a bunch of bushes. Finally, she had made it to school. She entered the building's double doors and prepared to face her peers and begin a new day.  
  
Liberty sat in homeroom, doodling on a piece of paper in her notebook, attempting to ignore the strange glances and whispers that were directed at her. Every once in a while she would hear a comment and then glare furiously at the person aiming the retort and they immediately shut up.  
  
JT came into homeroom late and plopped down next to her. Her body froze. She really didn't want him sitting next to her, especially not after Friday's occurrence.  
  
"Liberty—"  
  
"JT, I really think it would be best if we just forget Friday, okay?" she interrupted.  
  
"Look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."  
  
"What? Because of my breakdown, _now _you're sorry? If that hadn't happened, you'd still see me as a pessimistic, moping freak, correct?"  
  
JT was pondering her words in silence.  
  
"Yeah. That's what I thought," she snapped, and began to draw in her notebook some more.  
  
"It's not like that, Liberty. I just don't understand what's going on..." he said.  
  
"Well, maybe it's better that way. Who are we kidding? You and I are not friend material. Just...leave me alone," Liberty insisted.  
  
"No."  
  
"What?" she asked, confused.  
  
"No. I'm not going to just leave you alone. I only said that stuff on Friday because I want you to act like yourself again. It's weird seeing you change when we all just remember little perfect Liberty who never failed to turn in an assignment."  
  
"JT, life isn't as simple as I once thought. I was living in my own little utopia of good grades and whatnot. It doesn't matter anymore," Liberty told him.  
  
"It should matter. It's always mattered to you. Now you're letting some stupid thing take over your life and you're ruining everyone else's in the process."  
  
"It's not stupid," she said softly. "It may seem stupid to you, but what do you know? Nothing."  
  
"Because you don't tell me anything!"  
  
"Why should I? You don't really care."  
  
JT was silent as he looked into her eyes. She looked so completely sad and alone and he didn't want to admit it, but it broke his heart. He wanted to find someway to make her really talk to him and make her understand that she was important and that many people wanted her to get better. If that wasn't caring, he didn't know what was.  
  
He didn't tell her any of this, though. He just kept staring into her eyes. He finally spoke.  
  
"Fine. You're right. I don't care about you at all. That's why I offered you my friendship and that's why I've been trying to get you to talk to me. I don't care at all," he snapped sarcastically.  
  
Liberty didn't speak a word. She just lowered her head and attempted to fight back the tears that were threatening to leak out of her eyes.  
  
-----  
  
She had counseling that day after school. The second she walked in, Dr. Larsen immediately began to pry. She started off with asking how Liberty's day was.  
  
"It was fine," she mumbled. The truth was, though, her day had been terrible. She hadn't said a word in any of her classes, and during her lunch hour she hid out in the washroom trying to escape her peers. And to top it all off, she had to be here.  
  
Dr. Larsen began asking more and more questions. Like how her grades were, how she felt about school, who she hung out with and whatnot. It was driving Liberty mad, but she answered the questions, giving the safest possible answer. Finally, she left. She went outside and waited for her mother to come pick her up.  
  
Minutes later, she drove up in the family car, and Liberty hopped in. Her mother didn't even bother asking how the meeting was; she already knew what her response would be.  
  
She headed up to her room, throwing her school bag on her bed and reached for her phone. She checked the caller idea, searching for Manny's cell number and began dialing.  
  
Manny picked up on the second ring. "Hey, what's up?" she greeted.  
  
"Can we get together sometime today? I really think we need to work on that project," Liberty told her. She wanted to be in the company of someone she could have a relatively normal conversation with, but she also wanted to try and convince her parents that she was getting back on track and that she was still the same little girl she'd always been. Hopefully it would work.  
  
There was a short pause and then Manny finally answered, "Yeah, that could work. Do you want to meet at the Dot again around seven?" she asked.  
  
Liberty wasn't sure how long the Dot was open on weekdays, but she agreed anyways and they hung up. She ran downstairs to tell her parents.  
  
"Mom, I'm going to the Dot to work on that English project with a girl from school," she said. "Around seven."  
  
Her mother smiled. "Okay, honey, are you going to eat there?"  
  
Liberty shrugged. "I can." Truthfully, food wasn't on her agenda. She just wanted to finish the stupid project and get on with her sad, pathetic life.  
  
------  
  
Manny was already at the Dot when she arrived that evening. She was sitting in the corner near the window, but she wasn't alone. Who was that? Liberty walked closer to the location the two were at and she immediately recognized him as JT. She took a deep breath and marched over to the table.  
  
The pair stopped talking when they noticed Liberty.  
  
"Hello, Manny, JT," she greeted.  
  
They said their hello's and Manny told Liberty to have a seat.  
  
"Well, I guess I should probably leave and let you two get your project done," JT said, standing up.  
  
Manny said goodbye to him, but Liberty remained silent. As he walked away from the girls, his eyes met Liberty's for a good three seconds, and then he moved along.  
  
Manny had her eyebrows raised, looking at Liberty. She snapped her fingers in her face.  
  
"Earth to Liberty. I know you're completely in love with him, but we have a project to do," she teased, and began pulling out her notebook from her bag that was on the floor.  
  
"Me? In love with JT? I don't think so," she replied, doing the same as Manny and getting out a notebook.  
  
"You love him. Just admit it already. You've had a crush on him for—what?—three years?"  
  
"That has nothing to do with being in love."  
  
Manny sighed. "Okay, whatever. Let's get this done."  
  
They went through the same process as last time, taking turns asking questions about one another. And luckily this time nobody got angry and stormed off.  
  
"Alright," Manny said, a million and one questions later. "I think I have enough info...what about you?"  
  
"Same. So all we have to do is write the reports and we're done."  
  
-----  
  
Liberty got home around eight forty-five. She found her parents in the kitchen, her mother on the phone.  
  
"Oh, yes that would be lovely...I'm sure Libs will be so excited...okay...sounds great...I can't wait to see you again...alright...take care...see you soon...bye bye," her mother said, hanging up minutes later.  
  
"What was that about?" Liberty asked, slightly confused.  
  
Her mother grinned. "I have wonderful news. You remember the Jennings'? I work with Elizabeth at the office, remember. Anyways, they're having part of their house re-done and they need a place to stay. Oh, isn't this exciting you had so much fun with her kids, Kristen and Sam. They'll be here in a few days...after they have time to pack and everything," her mom explained.  
  
Liberty froze. Her entire body went numb and she felt her throat closing up.  
  
Sam. Him. HE was going to be in their house. For more than a few hours, even.  
  
"Th-that's...great," she said faintly and ran as fast as she could out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her bedroom.  
  
She locked her door and lied down on her bed and let herself cry.  
------

** A/N: dun dun dun. The guy who raped Liberty is revealed. I know you all were probably expecting it to be someone part of Degrassi...but I just couldn't do that to anyone of them. So there we are. Review, please. Hope you like. **


	10. Getting Some Help

**Chapter 10 – **Getting Some Help

"I just think that maybe this will be good for Liberty," she overheard her mother saying the next morning before she entered the kitchen to get some breakfast. "You know she's been having a really hard time...I think it's that school...and maybe if Sam and Kristen are here she'll get back on track. You know how much fun she had with them the last time they visited."

Her father, whom she was talking to, waited a moment before speaking. "I think we just need to see how it goes. I don't think having company will be good for Liberty. She needs to...sort things out."

_Yes, _Liberty thought hopefully, _yes, tell her dad. Tell her they can't stay, so I can be free. Please. _

Her mother sighed. "But maybe if she's around people she _likes _she'll be fine."

She heard her father turn the page of the newspaper. "Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it."

Liberty sighed. She decided maybe she wasn't hungry after all. She didn't even bother saying anything to her parents. She grabbed her backpack and made her way to the front door.

---

Liberty never noticed until now just how many people were really making it their mission to help her overcome whatever it was she was going through. Paige, Manny, JT, random kids who'd heard about her meltdown earlier. It was crazy. And most of all, she didn't want to admit she needed help. She **didn't **need help from anyone. Because she was going to sort this mess out on her own.

She debated this inside her head for the first part of the morning. But then, she realized, that maybe, just maybe there was someone who could help her.

"JT!" she shouted down the hallway after him as their third period class let out.

He stopped and turned around to face her as she caught up with him.

"I need your help," she said, almost breathlessly.

He just stared at her. "Where were you when I was offering help earlier?"

She frowned. "Please. This is really important."

It took a bit more persuasion, but he finally gave in. "Okay. What's up?"

"Just...meet me outside the Dot after school, okay? We can talk there," she instructed, then walked off to class.

---

The rest of the day went by as slowly as possible. Minutes left like hours and hours felt like days.

She tapped her pencil against her desk in math, glancing impatiently at the clock as the teacher droned on and on about equations...or something like that. Liberty wasn't really paying attention.

Finally, the last bell rang for the day. Liberty almost jumped out of her seat. Quickly, she gathered her things and rushed to her locker. As she grabbed books from the shelves, she felt someone run into her.

"Oh...sorry," a distracted voice said. The girl stopped and looked over, noticing who she had just run into. "Oh, hon, I'm so sorry," she said with more sympathy.

"It's fine, Paige," Liberty replied, closing her locker.

"Um, Paige, let's go!" an impatient Spinner said from beside her. "Why are we talking to her anyways?"

Paige elbowed him in the side. "Grow up," she retorted. "Anyway, Liberty, about—"

"It's fine," Liberty repeated, understand exactly what she was talking about. "Just a silly misunderstanding, right?"

Paige smiled. "Definitely. And I'm _so _sorry..."

"You were just concerned."

Paige waved goodbye and dragged Spinner by his tee-shirt down the hallway.

Liberty smiled on the outside, but inside she was dying. Guilt was eating her alive. In less than a few days, _he _would be in her house. _Sleeping, eating, breathing _in **her **house. Why was it she couldn't just tell her parents? It wouldn't be that hard.

"_Mom, dad, I was ra..." _

Liberty shuddered, disrupting her thoughts. No. It wasn't going to happen. They'd be too ashamed, too...heartbroken.

------

"JT, you're early," she said, walking up the sidewalk to the Dot that afternoon.

"Well, you seemed like you really needed to talk."

"I do," Liberty agreed. "But..."

"Look, let's just go inside and get something to eat and then we can talk," JT suggested.

Her face contorted. "I'm not hungry. But we can go in anyways."

They both found a seat, and while JT ordered a burger and fries, Liberty asked for only a glass of ice water.

"JT, someone's coming..." Liberty began, but immediately felt stupid for even speaking.

"What? Someone else is meeting us here?" he asked.

She shook her head, a sigh escaping from her mouth. "No...I mean, at my house. Someone's coming."

JT looked at her like she was crazy. "Um, okay..."

"I can't...I just...I can't stay there."

"At your own house? Why not?"

"We just don't get along."

JT laughed. "Why doesn't that surprise me?" he joked. His grin faded after seeing Liberty's reaction.

She averted her eyes to the corner of the table and remained totally silent. Not even an insult was fired back at him.

"I'm sorry," he said a second later.

"It's not you, JT. It's me. I'm the one with the problem."

"Then what—"

"Can I stay at your place?" Liberty blurted, not giving him the chance to ask his question.

"What?" he exclaimed, sitting up in his seat.

"Shh!" she snapped. "If you want to help me, you'll let me crash. I don't know for how long, but please..."

"You're kidding, right?"

"I've never been more serious. Please?" she asked again, getting ready to grovel if she had to.

"Incase you're a little behind on the way life works, there is something standing in our way. My parents!"

Liberty smacked her head. "Right...forgot about that..."

"Obviously."

"How big is your closet?" she asked, thinking ahead, as always.

"What? You're joking."

"Look...I can't stay at home okay? Please, please, please, please?" she begged.

_Say yes, _she demanded inside her head. This needed to work. She needed to see as little of Sam as possible. She needed to be able to live again.

JT sighed, admitting defeat. "I'll work something out. But I'm still convinced this is a trick for me to let you into my room." With that he winked, and Liberty reached over and smacked him.

"You wish," she retorted.


	11. Breaking Ground

CHAPTER ELEVEN - BREAKING GROUND 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: **So, it only took three years for me update this thing, huh? It's unforgivable, I know. I have probably lost all of my old readers, but. . . better (extremely) late than never? A Degrassi season two marathon and the more recent reviews telling me to stop being lazy and upate this soon inspired me. **

**I am not good with timeframes, but this takes place a few days after the last chapter, as opposed to the day to day thing I've been doing.**

**xx**

"And panic attacks? Have you been having any of those recently?"

Liberty leaned back in her chair, her face stolid. Dr. Larson was just doing her job. Dr. Larson really couldn't care less if Liberty told her the reason for said panic attacks. Dr. Larson was programmed to ask prying, condescending questions like _how does that make you feel_?

Dr. Larson did not care.

"No," Liberty said shortly. "I have not."

Dr. Larson's pen immediately began scratching at her clipboard.

"And how have things with your parents been?"

Maybe the goal of that question was to get Liberty to squirm, maybe find some way to drag something out of her so she could do a victory dance and chant, "_I know what's wrong with your daughter, I know what's wrong, I win, I win_."

Liberty did not budge. "Fine."

"Fine the usual, or fine better?"

"Just. . . fine."

Dr. Larson sighed.

Was she giving up? Liberty hoped. Maybe she was throwing in the towel. Maybe there would be no victory dance after all.

"It's okay, Liberty, you'll talk when you're ready to talk."

Close. So, so close.

xx

JT's room was . . . messy. And that was a major understatement. With her first step in, she'd already crushed a bag of chips and tripped over a pile of dirty clothing.

JT did not think this abnormal.

"Just throw your stuff anywhere," he said casually, tossing himself on his bed.

"Where?" she asked faintly, observing the clutter around her. She settled on an untouched corner of the room. She threw down her backpack, stocked with the necessities.

"So, what'd you tell your folks?" he asked.

"That I was spending the night at Manny's. What about your parents?"

JT got up and head toward his desk. He rifled through a bunch of papers, throwing the unnecessary ones on the floor. Liberty subsequently took each piece and threw it in the garbage can.

"Aha!" he exclaimed, holding up a wide-ruled sheet of paper that had been poorly ripped from a notebook.

"What in the world is that?" Liberty asked, looking closer. She could barely decipher the chicken scratch handwriting. All the arrows and crossed out words didn't help either.

"It's our plan," he said matter-of-factly.

"Plan?" she echoed.

"Look, if we're going to do this, we have to do it right."

Liberty smiled. "Wow, I'm impressed."

"Yeah, yeah, don't get all flattered or whatever. I've always kind of wanted to be a ninja."

She snorted. "A ninja?"

"Yes," he said. "And what do ninjas have?"

"Uh. . ."

"Stealth, Liberty. Stealth. And so shall we. Let's take a look." He tried to de-wrinkle the piece of paper as best he could. "So. Mornings. My mom always waits to leave the house till after I get on the bus. So I figure you can climb out the window and hide around the corner of the house until I leave. Then we can get to the bus stop. In the afternoons, you'll come over, just like any friend would – of course, they'll probably start thinking that you're my girlfriend or something, so try not to be _too_ friendly –"

" - And we don't have to worry about my parents coming in here or anything. They don't like to be in here. I don't know why - "

Liberty kicked some clothes out of the way. "I can take a guess."

He just shrugged.

"JT, this is a brilliant plan."

"Yeah, well, I haven't figured out all the details yet."

"Don't worry – I won't be here alot. I can probably stay somewhere else or something for a little while, too, so I don't take up too much of your time and space. I'll just have to think up another reason as not to go back home."

JT's face grew more solemn. "Are you going to tell me why you can't stay at your house?"

Liberty shut off. She turned away from him. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You keep saying that, but you're going to have to tell me eventually. Who is it you don't want to see?"

He neared towards her and put his hand on her back. Lightning shot through her spine. She inched further away.

"I don't _have _to tell you anything."

He raised his eyebrows. "Way to cop an attitude with someone who's letting you crash at his house. For free."

"Sorry," she mumbled.

They were silent.

"Hey, Liberty?"

"Hm?"

"Is it something really bad?"

Sigh. "Just drop it, JT, please?"

xx

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know Liberty had plans."

Elizabeth Martin smiled, but Mrs. Van Zandt still felt guilty. Especially for telling a half-truth. Liberty bailed last minute, saying that she and Manny had to work on their project and that she'd probably be staying the night. She tried to stop her, but she was already out of the door before anything could be said.

Mr. Van Zandt grumbled. "That child, I swear. She's been acting so spoiled lately with that bad attitude."

Elizabeth Martin laughed. "Oh, you know how kids are." She nudged her own two.

Kristen rolled her eyes as she sent a text message on her phone.

"It really is a shame, though," Sam quipped. "I was looking forward to seeing her."

xx

It had only been one night and JT didn't think he could deal with Liberty anymore.

What was he _thinking _letting her room with him? Her moodiness was bad enough at school. Why'd he think this would be any better?

Oh yeah, because she had pretty much guilted him into it. You can't say no to someone who looks that. . . sad. Plus, he though his charming wit and clever jokes would at least get her to crack a smile. Then he'd feel victorious. No such luck yet, however.

She liked to sulk. She liked to pretend to be asleep when he was in the middle of rehashing a classic moment at camp that involved him, Toby and a river rafting experience gone awry.

The fact that she didn't even _pretend _to be amused was a true ego-bruiser.

So he did something he shouldn't have. When she was in the shower (they figured out that they could just let the water run and combine what would be two separate showers into a seemingly long one), he found the corner of a notebook peeking out from her backpack.

He hesitated once, and then reached for it. He'd seen her write in it once or twice before – maybe the answer would be there. The inside cover read:

_Writing Notebook _

_Mrs. Kwan_

_4__th__ period_

_Private. Do not read._

He chuckled at the last part. Anyone who found a journal stating, "DO NOT READ," would only be encouraged to do the exact opposite. He decided then that he was a way better ninja than Liberty. Then made a mental note to remind her of that the next time she got snappy.

He scanned through the pages. Alot of them were from earlier in the year. Essays; short responses from novels they read; a printed copy of the haiku she wrote in grade seven that was so obviously directed at him hidden between pages. When he finally got to the later stuff, he heard the shower turn off. He quickly put the notebook in his own backpack and zipped it up.

She came into his room moments later, soaking wet, in a robe that showed enough leg for him to take notice. And as soon as the thought entered his head, he shook it out. Where the _hell _did that come from?

"JT, you didn't leave me any towels."

"Oh. Sorry, your Highness." He led the way to the linen closet. "The wet look's kind of working for you, though." He winked at her then handed her two fresh towels.

"Thanks," she mumbled, not even looking at him. She headed back into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Your welcome," he said, to no one.

xx

_I am,_

_a prisoner _

_in my own_

_mind,_

_body,_

_spirit._

_When I dream,_

_I see his eyes._

_When I dream,_

_it repeats over_

_and over_

_and over_

_again._

_I am_

_a prisoner,_

_and his eyes -_

_they burn _

_my innocence _

_and his hands -_

_they burn my body._

JT slammed the notebook shut as the bell rang.

He stormed into Mrs. Hatzilakos' classroom, grabbed Liberty by the arm and said, "We need to talk. Right now."


End file.
